Drew's grave

Monday I went to go get Elizabeth from her grandparents house. We got back to Edmond right around sunset and the cemetery is on the way home so I decided to stop and check on Drew's grave.

It was beautiful--the sunsets out here are amazing, shades of pink, blue and gold. There was a ray of sun falling on Drew's headstone lighting it up. It was as if he knew that we were coming by to visit him. It was truly beautiful and peaceful and serene.

I rearranged his "things" (angels, dinosaurs, you know the stuff family brings for him and leaves) and noticed a new item. It is a ladybug magnet. I don't know where it came from, who left it. I know that Raymond and I did not. Whoever left it must know about my love of ladybug's. I would love to know who brought it by (hint, hint!).

It was just a very nice visit. There was no crying and while I felt sadness, I felt peacefulness more than anything. I am healing from his death. I am happy much more often than I am sad; I wish that others could see this in me. I don't cry as much anymore. I am able to remember him fondly more than remember his ordeal.

It sometimes feels like a betrayal to be "moving on" but it's natural and necessary. I am able to smile when I look at his pictures now. I am on my way to accepting what happened and realizing that it was not my fault and that I could not save him, no matter how much I wanted to do so. In his short life he was loved beyond measure and he knew that. That's all I need to know to feel better about the situation.