*Sigh*

Ok, so I lied. I couldn't resist my curiousity and had a dilation check at today's doctor appointment. I wish that I'd just stuck with my original plans for no more until active labor.

I actually REGRESSED from 2 weeks ago. My cervix is up higher and I went from 1 cm. to just a fingertip dilated. I just wanted to cry. Please remind me that I WANT Carson to go to at least 40 weeks, because I do but I'm just so miserable right now. The end of this PG has been my worst so far. Of course, E. was a little tiny thing and Drew was induced at 38.5 weeks. I'm 38 weeks right now.

I've lost a pound which is not surprising with the refulx stuff I go through daily. It's had me in tears a few times because it hurts to bad. I would take unmedicated labor over this any day. Contractions hurt but they've never reduced me to tears or anything.

My BP was high for me again at 126/72, urine was clear and Carson's heart rate was 128 bpm. I don't know what it is with that number but he certainly likes it! Even my doctor told me today that I was all belly because I have such a short torso. She said his feet are up under my ribs (yeah, I know)--pretty high up there as a matter of fact so no wonder I can't breathe and am having digestion problems. I'm measuring 37 cm. which is 1 week behind but nothing to really worry about.

Bottom line is that there will probably be no baby anytime soon. I can go another month (shoot me if that happens) before we even discuss induction methods. Hopefully it will not come to that because then my planned VBAC will be in serious jeopardy. (Inductions lead to much higher rates of sections.)

So that was the news for today. Let's just hope that I'll go 40 weeks and not much longer--keep reminding me that's what I WANT, regardless of how I feel. One good thing about being this miserable and having a 3.5 year old to chase after--I don't have much time to dwell on Drew's short life right now. I could be going out of my mind if I were reliving every day but I'm not. I remember the highlights (good and bad--like surgery on March 29) but it's usually after I lay down to go to sleep.

Just want to tell everyone that I also have an amazing husband. He's always been great at relieving me when he gets home from work by taking over childcare so that I can have a break but he's really gone above and beyond over the past few weeks. He was basically a single parent all weekend and he let me rest. Trust me, I know how lucky I am. :) And E. loves it because she adores her Daddy so much. I picked a good one for my kids daddy, that's for sure.