Friday, May 11, 2007

Babies are good

E. and R. are out and Carson is sleeping. Whew! Finally a moment to update.

So going from 1 to 2 kids isn't THAT bad or difficult. There have been absolutely no jealousy issues at all. Elizabeth is my main issue, though. She's just TOO loving if that makes sense?! She wants to touch Carson all the time. She wants to kiss him, hug him, lick him, etc. She thinks it's funny to wake him up. When she wants to love on him, she's just right in his face. So I spend most of my time telling her to leave Carson alone, don't lick the baby, get out of his never ends! I guess it could be worse, she could hate him. We've had to have a few discussions on breathing and how she needs to stay away from his face and LET HIM BREATHE! Other than that, things are going well. Carson's still just as mellow as can be 99% of the time.

He's also doing something that I didn't expect. He's helping me heal from the loss of Drew. I can't really explain it but I thought that it would be so hard for me. And it is at times. Sometimes I'll be holding him or nursing him and just start crying. It does not happen as often as I expected it to, though. Carson is Carson, not Drew and I know that but him being here is helping me move on (for lack of a better term) from where I was in my grief process with Drew. I can now look at things with more perspective and see that if we had not lost Drew, Carson would not exist. I believe that was part of Drew's purpose. He had so many but his short life and his battle has enriched my life more than I ever thought anything could. I know that I'm not making much sense but it makes sense in my head and more importantly, in my heart.

So babies are good. They help in ways that you didn't know they would or could.

Carson gained 6 ounces in one week. How do I know this? Well, I'm glad that you asked. :D

At his 1 week appointment, we met with our regular peditrician's (Dr. P from here on out) partner (Dr. F) because Dr. P was out of the office. At a week, Carson was 7 lbs. 12 oz. He was 7 lbs. 14 oz. at birth so 7.12 was GOOD. Dr. F said to come in the next week for a weight check. Um, ok. I still don't really understand why that was but we did it anyway. They had also prepared a huge bag of formula for me and I told them that Carson was exclusively breastfed so we did not need it. I figured they could give it to someone who could really use it. They told me to take it "just in case." I tried to be polite and just left it in the room when I left. The nurse actually RAN down the hall, chasing me, and forced the bag in my hand. Ugh.

Carson was still 7 lbs. 12 oz. the following week. I won't go into everything but Dr. F was very accusatory, asked, "Why hasn't he gained any?" and actually waited for an answer. The word "starvation" was used on her part. She told me that she wouldn't "force" me to use formula at that point but if he hadn't gained enough the following week, she would "force" me to supplement with formula. Now, at this point, I actually had blood in my mouth because I was biting my tongue so hard. I wish now that I'd said what was on my mind but I didn't.

She interrogated me about my supply and I just politely said that this was my 3rd time nursing and/or pumping so I think that I know about supply and that mine was more than sufficient. I was told to bring Carson back in a week for another weight check. Oh, she also asked me when we were going to circumcise Carson. When I told her that we had no plans to do so (TMI, I know but I'm pissed about it), she actually tried to get me to change my mind. I told her that I would not be cutting off a fully fuctional part of my son's body for no good reason--it's elective cosmetic surgery. Carson can decide for himself when he's older if he wants to alter his body, it's not my place to do so. (And that's not even my STRONG feelings on the matter, hehe!) She finally let it go when I gave her a look and firmly said, "NO THANK YOU."

So this past week, I was just going to blow it off. Screw her, I didn't like her and didn't want to deal with her anti-breastfeeding attitude again. I had to call the office to make a 1 month appointment so I asked if Dr. P was in to do a weight check because I would not see Dr. F anymore. Turns out no doctors were there that day so I went ahead and took Carson in for a weight check. That's how I know that he was 8 lbs. 2 oz. on Wednesday. :) Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Dr. F. Bitch.

So Carson's 1 month appointment is with Dr. P. If she does not adequately address my concerns over Dr. F's treatment, I'm switching practices for both kids. I may do it anyway because, although I really like Dr. P, she's big on giving out parenting advice. I go to a medical doctor for MEDICAL advice, not PARENTING advice. Especially parenting advice that I don't necessarily agree with. (For example, Dr. P insisted that I turn E. forward facing at 1 year. I did not, it's safer for them to remain rear facing as long as possible. She's also anti-cosleeping, anti-extended nursing, anti-nursing while pregnant and all around anti-attachment parenting.) A friend out here told me about her son's peditrician who sounds more along the lines of my beliefs.

Add to that the fact that internal politics are wreaking havoc on Elizabeth's school and I'm going to lose my mind. The director (one of E.'s teachers) and her assistant (another of E.'s teachers) no longer teach there. I really like these 2 women and have a lot of faith in the care they give the kids. Now the oldest person there is 20 years old. None of the "teachers" have kids and I'm sorry to say that worries me. The new director is said 20 year old and has only been there 2 weeks so E. doesn't even really know her. Miss L. will still be there but she's in the infant room and is only 19 (I do like her a lot, though). It's a huge internal political mess and it's at the expense of the kids. E. told me that she wants to try it with the new teachers. I'll see how it goes for 1 day; I'll be dropping in unannounced on Tuesday. But I'm ready to yank her out of there and put her in a new program. Pisses me right the heck off. <----The redneck in me coming out.

And finally, would everyone do me a huge favor and keep my Aunt Brenda in your thoughts and prayers? I would appreciate it. Did I mention that Sasha got a new liver while I was in the hospital with Carson? If not, she did and seems to be doing fairly well. Keep her in those t&p's too, please.


Julie said...

So glad to hear the healing in your blog...
Yeah baby Carson for growing so well!
Get a new doctor NOW! Good for you standing your ground. Just because they have MD after their name doesn't mean a thing...

carole said...

So glad to read the update. Maddening about the formula and anti-breastfeeding crap. If you need help choking their necks...just call me. :)

Anonymous said...

Jana, dear---for pete's sake I hope you can find a pediatrician who is on your side. I nursed both of my girls for over 24 months each --which means I nursed Catherine the whole time I was pregnant with Kimberly--and this was 30 years ago & my doc supported me the WHOLE WAY. And, in fact Catherine was born at 100th percentile and fell all the way to the 50th percentile (where actually she seems to be spending the rest of her life---the darn tiny thing :)

You are sounding well and that lifts up my heart--Its good to hear that your whole family is doing well
Love to you
from Jackson's Grandma

Gina said...

I can't believe how much Carson has grown. He is so handsome!!

You should find a ped. you see eye to eye with. I love ours here. Good luck with all of that!!
Take care.