Monday, June 19, 2006


Shawn did it again! Just blows me away with these...

On the book donation front, things are going well (I think!). I've received some contributions through my Paypal account but I don't know what has been received by the Jackson Graves Foundation yet. If you send a donation directly to them, would you drop me an e-mail or leave me a comment letting me know so that I can make a list? I'm pretty good about thank you cards (thanks to Mom!) even though I'm a bit behind on them at the moment.

I'm going to set a deadline of July 31, 2006. I ask that all donations be received in my Paypal account or at the Foundation by that date and then we can order the books. Anything you can donate is great; I have it figured up that about $5.00 will purchase one book. Help me do something positive in Drew's memory for other families who lose their children.

I've been really missing Drew these past few days. I'll be doing ok but then I'll see a picture or a memory will just pop into my head and I'll lose it. I still have a lot of anger about the fact that he's dead. Children are not supposed to die--an idealistic way to think but it seems to be the prevailing belief among people. I just cringe when people ask me how many children I have. It's not really getting easier with time but I know it's only been a little over 2 months. I really want one of Lauren's signs that says, "Be nice to me, my child died."

The thought going through my mind so often right now has to do with a dream that I had about 2 weeks before Drew died. I told Raymond and the nurses about it at the time and laughed about it but couldn't shake my unease and now I know why I couldn't.

In my dream, Drew was about 18 months old and running all over the place. We were at a lake (me, R., E. and D.) that had rocks for a beach. The smooth rocks about the size your fist. It was a beautiful place but not one that I've ever seen in my real life. Anyway, Drew ran across the rocks to the water and I was screaming at him to stop but he didn't. He looked back over his shoulder, hit the water and a crocodile grabbed him and took him under the water. I woke up crying from that dream but Drew's entire journey has taught me to trust my instincts above all else, even though my mind has always needed facts and I put no stock at all into "feelings" and stuff. I don't know why that dream won't leave my mind now.

Working on the website is helping. I'm *this* close to having it up. I'll be sure and post the link when I finally get it up. I have a lot of talented friends who have been helping me along the way and I thank them for volunteering their time and talent!


Anonymous said...

Jana what Shawn made are just precious.


Anonymous said...

Jana, I just want you to know that I think of you and your sweet family often. I keep on watching that beautiful video of Drew.
Thinking of you-
Julie Dudley
(Kylie's mom)

Shawna said...

Those are amazing Jana! Good job Shawn! I really like the first one. Breathtaking.