Baby Mert

I want to start this post off by asking you all to keep Aytekin, Emel and Baby Mert in your thoughts and prayers. Mert is scheduled to come into the world on Tuesday, July 11 and, as you know, has CDH. This family lives in Turkey and their real journey is about to begin.

Now onto something that makes me so mad and the anger just will not go away. Every single night on our local news, there is a story of horrendous child abuse and/or neglect. I mean truly horrible stories. The latest was about a 1 year old baby found sleeping outside of a church with a man (not her father) beside her. The mother was tracked down and not concerned at all. And she was pregnant. Then there's Kelsey Briggs. You can read about her here.

Stories like this have always upset me but now they make me so mad. Why did our son, who would have had a pretty great family, have to die and these other children endure what they did? If people do not want their children, or want to hurt them, or do drugs while pregnant, etc. why do they have them?! It's just so unfair. Drew would not have been abused, if anything, he would have been loved too much (like Elizabeth is). This is just something that I cannot get over.

The past few days I've been very down. Drew would have been 4 months old yesterday and all we can look forward to is his headstone arriving and visiting him at the cemetary.

We are pretty fortunate individuals--we have a nice home, great kid, great family, etc.--but Drew's death is just something that casts a shadow over all of that. For me it does. I do fun things with E. but the thought of, "Drew should be here with us," is ALWAYS in my mind. There is not one second of the day that I do not think of him. It's not getting easier as time goes on.

I like to end on a happier note so here's today's Elizabeth story. We were outside in the front yard and she was chasing a butterfly, all the while talking to it. It would fly away and come back and E. would say, "You miss me? I know you did!" She said things like, "I love you butterfly, you're sooooo pretty! Don't go home yet, you want to play with me? I know you do!" It was so cute. I don't think that she realized that I could hear her talking to the butterfly but I'm glad that I did. I wish that I could find the joy that she does in life's simple things.