Oh boy, here I go again!

This could get long and rambling but you've probably come to expect that from me, huh? Elizabeth is asleep and Raymond is out-of-town so I'm on my own right now and have some time to blabber on. I am watching R. on TV at the moment though. He's in Sacramento at ESPN's Friday Night Fights and they keep showing him on TV. :D He wore a bright yellow shirt so that I could be sure and see him! I just wish that we were in Sac with him. I haven't been back since we moved in 2002 and I miss it so much. E. and I were going to go with him this year but we just didn't. Maybe next year. Hello to all of my missed friends in good ol' Sac.

Today has been a rough day. I cannot stop thinking of Carole, Joseph and their family. Joey was to have been born today and I know that he's probably passed on by now. :( I wish that I could talk to Carole and see how she's doing. What a dumb comment, really. How she's doing?! I KNOW how she's doing. I wish that I could take her pain away and that Joey was ok. CDH is such an unfair birth defect. E. asked me why I was sad today and I told her that Baby Joseph died and was with Drew now. She said, "Oh, another friend for Baby Drew. That's nice for him." Such innocence. Carole, when you get around to reading this, please know how much we care about you and your family and how terribly sorry we are.

Add to that an upsetting telephone call I received today. Shortly after Drew was born, our insurance company assigned a case manager (a nurse) to help coordinate everything for Drew's care and answer our questions. This woman was very nice; her niece who is now 12, has CDH so she understood somewhat what we were going through. I hadn't heard from her since that time until today. I guess the insurance company screwed up and neglected to tell her that Drew had died. She called asking how he was and if he was home yet. :( I explained that he had died quite a while ago and she was so apologetic. It wasn't her fault but that was a hard telephone call to get. *sigh*

Now onto Drew's headstone. I'm getting VERY upset about this issue. It's still not there. We ordered it in May and it was to take 6-8 weeks. The cemetery poured the foundation around July 4 because they had word from the monument company that it was going to be installed soon. It's still not there. All they will tell me is that they're waiting on the base because the first one didn't match the headstone perfectly. My contact said that would take about a week and that was 2 weeks ago. I was going to call them again today but decided that I had better wait until I wasn't so angry. I've been very patient and nice throughout this wait but that's run out. This is total bullshit--I want my son's grave to be marked with what we chose and paid for. At this point, I feel like telling them to shove it and give us our money back and we'll go elsewhere. How would you handle this? I'm not sure what to do or what I can do but this is the last thing we can do for our son and I want it DONE.

On a happier note, the books have been ordered and they will be on their way to me very soon! I am so excited about this!! We were able to purchase $1,000.00 worth of books! Thank you all for your help with this! When I get them, I'll post pictures.

I am now completely done with one of my projects for a CDH family and working on another. Aytekin and Emel, you should receive a package from me shortly! I'm working on Joseph's right now.

On October 14, OU Medical Center is having a "Walk to Remember" for those who have lost children and their families and friends. Elizabeth and I will be there as will my parents and in-laws and hopefully my brother and sister-in-law. Unfortunately, I don't think that Raymond will be able to attend. He has a previous commitment to teach seminars in Tulsa. :( I understand but I really wish that he could be there with us. If anyone else is in the OKC area and wants to go with us, let me know. The more to remember Drew, the better! I'm really looking forward to this.

Elizabeth turned 3 years old yesterday. I cried. Why do they have to grow up so fast?! I updated her website if you want to see my beautiful girl! We had family pictures taken at the beginning of the month, here's one of them:



Why does no one tell you that your children can break your heart like no one else? Elizabeth is on this kick of wanting a sibling but she only wants a sister. Actually, she says that she NEEDS a sister. After a few days of her saying that, I asked her why not a baby brother? This is what she told me: "Baby brudders don't come home from the hospital. Baby sisters do. Bella's sister Sasha got to come home but Drew didn't." :( We had a talk about how Drew was a special case, not all brothers are sick like him and I *think* that she gets it a little bit but she's still insisting that she NEEDS a baby sister. We'll have to see what the future holds.

And with that, I've gone on long enough. Until next time.