I'm going to do it...

I cannot keep a secret when it comes to myself. I just can't. Ask anyone who knows me. I can keep other people's secrets just fine but not my own. I was not going to share this for quite a while but I am now (with Raymond's blessing).

Have you guessed yet?




It's not that difficult to guess.




I promise, it's not.




If you haven't guessed by now then I'll just tell you.




Yes, we are expecting a VERY surprise baby in the spring. I am feeling very ambivalent right now. We had planned on another one, just not this soon after Drew's death. We were both caught a bit off guard. On the one hand, I'm very happy. On the other, I'm terrified. More terrified than any words can fully express.

Now for some details.

I had an ultrasound to date the pregnancy a few weeks ago. We saw a perfect egg sac and embryo. We were also able to see and hear a heartbeat. It's way too early to know if anything is wrong which is why I was going to hold off on announcing the news until after the ultrasound midway through the pregnancy. But, like I said, I cannot keep a secret regarding myself and um, anyone who saw me would know fairly soon. I seem to show earlier and earlier with each subsequent pregnancy. And I don't want people to think that I'm just fat. :D

Oh yes, details. I am 8.5 weeks along. My due date still kind of freaks me out. I fully realize that it's only an approximation but I was only 2 days overdue with E. so based on history, I give birth fairly close to the due date. My due date is April 16, 2007. Scroll down to my earlier post today and look at Drew's headstone. I'll wait.




Yes, my due date is the one year anniversary of his date of death. I'm really trying to view it as a sign from Drew that April won't be as sad as it could be for our family. There will now be some joy as well as sadness. Still freaks me out though.

Now you know why I was sick when we were camping. I spoke to Raymond's Aunt Donna on the phone and we talked about pregnancies and I felt like such a liar because I didn't say anything so that helped me make my decision to tell. I'm sorry, Donna. :(

I have a doctor's appointment on September 18 with a doctor who will do VBAC's (difficult to find in Oklahoma). I'm really hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after ceaserian--however you spell that) and should be a good candidate since E. was an uncomplicated vaginal birth. I will not be going back to my perinatologist unless it's for diagnostic tests. He will not handle my OB care. There are many reasons for this, none of which matter to anyone but me and my family. :)

So there it is. Surprise baby on the way. I'm going out-of-town tomorrow so I don't know when I'll be able to reply to e-mails but send 'em anyway!