Thursday, January 11, 2007


Where oh where to start? I'll start with Carson.

I had a routine doctor's appointment on Monday. Carson's heartrate was 141 beats per minute (good) and I'm measuring 27, right on for my dates. I wish that I had known beforehand that it was time for the 1 hour glucose test at that appointment. I had Elizabeth with me and let me tell you, that was FUN. Note my obvious sarcasm. At the first sip of that nasty syrupy stuff, I puked. Then I had to manage to get it all down and keep it down for an hour. I didn't feel well the rest of the day.

So I got a phone call tonight from my OB's nurse. Yep, you guessed it. For the first time in 3 pregnancies, I have failed the 1 hour test. I get to go in for the 3 hour test tomorrow. I'm trying not to freak out. Even if I do have gestational diabetes, I know that it's not a huge deal. BUT there is an increased risk of infant death for moms who have GD. Just another layer of worry to add on top of my paranoia. At least Papa will be taking E. off of my hands so I don't have to have her at the doctor's office for 3+ hours tomorrow. And I'm hungry and I have to freaking fast. That's cruel to do to a pregnant woman. I mean it, it's not making for a happy mommy at the moment.

Raymond finally picked Carson's animal. (Remember, he picks an animal for each kid before birth; E. was frogs and Drew was dinosaurs.) He chose turtles. Just happens that THE VERY NEXT DAY Gymboree's new lines came out. Among them was the newborn boys line themed in, you guessed it, TURTLES!!! I am in heaven. Thanks to my Mom, I had some Gymbucks to blow so today I was at the store bright and early and buying up almost the entire turtle line, some of the cow line and a bit of everything else. Carson now has enough clothing to last him until he's about 18 months. I felt bad for E. so she got a couple of outfits too, of course. :)

Today was the first day that E. did not cry or whine or anything when I dropped her off at "school." She didn't even look back; no hug or kiss for Mommy. :( I'm trying to view it as a positive but that means that she's growing up and it's happening to darn fast. Too.Fast.

Raymond's grandomther is holding steady, I guess you could say. She has a problem with a valve in her heart and it seems to be causing other problems. She was discharged from the hospital today and I believe went back to her nursing home (last I heard). She's a sweet woman, she's just 86 years old. :) She sure seemed to love seeing the babies in her room (her great-grandchildren).

I got to meet Emercyn, one of E.'s cousins who was born in September, for the first time. Oh my, is she a doll! She reminded me of a china doll with a TON of dark hair. I really think that she has more hair than I do. She was watching E. run around and was always a second behind. It was so cute! She was just smiling at E. and E. kept asking to "pet" her and hold her. ("Petting" to E. is gentle stroking.)

Now onto some more serious stuff. We didn't do too well on New Year's Eve. I mean, we went out to Citywalk (club place) with BIL and SIL and had a good time but at midnight, things hit us. Let's be honest, we've had the year from hell. 2007 can't be any worse. But it was still hard to leave the year behind because now I have to say that Drew died last year. It somehow does not seem right that time goes on. Anyway, at midnight, I was crying (I really thought that I'd be ok) in the piano bar while everyone else was celebrating. Bleh.

I cannot get over the fact that Drew would be a bit over 10 months now if he were alive. Almost one year. The entire situation just seems so surreal sometimes and then reality punches me in the stomach.

E. and I went to the cemetary to put out some flowers that she picked out. It was the first time that she specifically asked about where Drew's body was located. *sigh* Caught me off-guard but nothing should anymore. We talked about his white box (casket) and how it was buried in the ground now. She said, "So I stand on Baby Drew right now?" I told her yes and that was that. She accepted that explanation.

Oh and some advice. I don't care how much you love your pet, they are NOT comprable to a child that you carried, loved and birthed. I love my pets so much, I really do. But trust me, if your dog died, your life would go on. Yes, I got the comment from someone when talking about losing my SON, "I just don't know what I'd do if (name) died. I don't think that I could go on living." Uh, yeah you could you heartless bitch. I did very good and didn't rip her a new one. I just smiled and turned away. My tongue was bleeding because I was biting it so hard but I.was.polite.

I can go on and on but Grey's Anatomy is on and I've missed enough already. We're just trying to get ready for the big ice storm headed our way. Hope that we don't lose power; R. stocked us up on firewood in case we do.


Lauren said...

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, Jana. I know everything will be ok.

Once again in this entry, you've mirrored my feelings exactly. I was so sad to see 2006 go. It's not fair that life goes on, and our baby's lives couldn't. But their lives will go on forever in Heaven.

Well, thanks again for keeping us posted on your life and progress. I am very excited about Carson's arrival! It won't be too long now! You know all too well how time flies!

Although it won't be this time, I do hope that we are able to meet one day. I am going to miss you by just 3 days in Texas!

I'll catch up with you soon! All the best tomorrow. Oh, and I love the turtle thing! Slow and steady wins the race!

Love Lauren

Melanie said...

I'm so sorry New Years wasn't a good experience for you. I have to praise you for at least making an effort - by attending the party. It will get easier and I know that sounds so irrational right now, but it will. :(

I will be praying that you pass this second sugar test. Let's just hope that the reason you failed the first one had something to do with you throwing up... or something??

Like you mentioned in your post, GD isn't something to be REALLY overly concerned about, but when it comes down to it, you of all people really don't deserve to have this whole new burden sitting on your shoulders.

(((hugs))) Praying and crossing all crossables for you and your family Jana!

and PS - I cannot believe that "person" said that to you about loosing their pet. That is so rude! They really must not have been thinking... all I can do is shake my head and wonder how someone can be so ignornant???

Krista said...

I felt the same as you and Lauren. It was difficult for me to move into a new year. And Jan 3rd brings us to the one year anniversary of JJ's diagnosis - that just feels unreal. I'll always remember that day - it just changed us.

Best wishes to you on your test.

Thinking of you, krista