Saturday, April 28, 2007

Carson update

He was cleared to come off the bili lights yesterday afternoon, yay! First thing I did was put some clothes on him. :)

He's doing well, just has his nights and days confused. Luckily, I've had R. and my mom here to help so I can catch some sleep during the day. Today we (ok, Raymond) tried keeping Carson awake more during the day so he will hopefully sleep more at night. He likes to be awake from about midnight to 5 a.m. or so. Monday, the REAL fun starts--I'm on my own with the kids. Yikes!

Despite all of that, which is really NOTHING in the grand scheme of things, he's such a little joy. He's much more mellow than Elizabeth was but still has some spunk.

I've come to the conclusion that boys are more difficult than girls--especially at diaper time. I'm not just talking about the peeing on things, they're just all around harder to clean. He peed on E.'s arm tonight and her reaction was pretty funny. She was like, "What in the hell just happened here?!" Then she started laughing when daddy told her that it was Carson pee on her arm (and the blanket, the floor, daddy's leg...).

Everyone around our house is just in love again. It feels nice. But then I have moments when I'm nursing, holding, rocking, etc. Carson and it hits me that I never got to do any of this with Drew and it tears my heart out. I feel so much joy but so much sadness at the same time right now. Drew never got the "hands on" love that most babies enjoy and that kills me.

I did well in the hospital until the one night that Carson and I were alone. R. and E. were at the house for one night so that's why it was just the 2 of us at the hospital. I don't think that Carson really looks like Drew aside from the mouth--all 3 kids have the same mouth, their daddy's. But at about 3 in the morning, Carson looked at me and it was like Drew was looking at me. I swear he looked EXACTLY like Drew and that threw me. Other than that and thinking of how much we missed out on with Drew, I'm doing ok. How can you not when you have such a precious boy in your arms?!

Here are a few pictures to tide you over:


carole said...

Oh Jana,
He is just beautiful beyond words. And the picture of E holding him...I cried a little. Thinking of you all...

Elizabeth said...

Jana - he is absolutely beautiful - just like his big sister and brother! And I know all too well how there is such joy but also regret with the "Rainbow" after a CDH babe. We have all been thinking of you ~ as I am sure you found from the posts on Breath of Hope.

Enjoy Carson and know that Drew is also still in your heart to be hugged too!

Kathy McC said...

He's absolutely beautiful, Jana. I am glad to hear things are going so well.

The whole boy pee thing is usually the worst at the beginning. A washcloth over the parts usually helps while they are "exposed". I tried a tissue once and Kam peed right through it.

I understand how you feel with the bittersweet emotions. Sometimes I think about how glad I am to have Kam, but then in the back of my head I remember that he wouldn't be here if I hadn't lost my two girls. :-(

Big (((hugs))) and hope all continues to go well!

Anonymous said...

Great update! Thanks for sharing MORE photos! He is simply HEAVENLY! The first picture is just breath taking! He is a cutie! ROFLMAO about the little boys and pee comment...I can certainly relate to that comment having had 4 boys myself. Hee hee hee. Poor E. I bet you had a few chuckles about that. I'm sure she'll remember that for a long time and tell Carson about it when he's older. Too funny! Thanks again for sharing!


Ivy Haynes said...

How sweet! Glad he's doing so well:)

Gina said...

He is SO cute Jana! You will do great on Monday.

The pee thing is funny. After 2 boys I had my girl and she peed at me. No one ever told me that would happen, lol!

I can not imagine what you go through day to day. You are such a good person as well are the ones around you. Take care!!

Anonymous said...

Gosh he is a breathtakingly beautiful baby. Wow. Glad you are enjoying him so much.

Robyn (Western Australia)

Aunt Donna said...

I'm so excited that Carson is finally here with the family. I look forward to holding the bundle of joy. I too understand the boy thing. There is something about the open diaper thing that sends them in gear. Give all a big hug from Aunt Donna and Uncle Danny. Hope to see you soon. Love ya loads!

Lori said...

YAY! He gets to wear clothes! :)

He is gorgeous! I'm so glad that you guys are home and doing well. It's such a scary prospect..thinking about being home with both of them alone, but, you can do it.

I can only try to imagine the bittersweet mixture of emotions you're experiencing now. I'm sure it's not even close to the real thing....

Huge ((((hugs)))) have a precious angel looking after all of you from heaven, and two beautiful ones here on Earth.

Baby Darby said...

Wow, Jana - he has such wise eyes!!
That's the first thing I if he has a well of knowledge unknown to any of us....

Emma H. said...

O....M...G....he is just absolutely adorable!!! I love the pic of E holding him awwwwwww they really look alike! And you are right, all 3 have the same mouth, such a cute mouth :)

Anonymous said...


Don't miss going to your baby's graveside. The road is actually open to the cemetery. There is a sign in the middle of the road on Boulevard at Danforth that says something like "Gracelaswn traffic only" and there is a gravel road that leads down to the cemetery.